lnc's down low cruising guide
Coming out is tough no matter where you live. Most of the time it is not an option for many guys. This does not mean that you should live your life without some sort of enjoyment or sexual release. I felt I need to give some guidance to dudes who are on the Down Low, Under Cover, In The Closet or whatever the phrase may be or who are in other case just simply sexually curious.
I believe that by giving these clues or insider tips. I can help guys pick up on ways of meeting men like them in their same predicament or situation, which can somewhat eliminate the feeling of loneliness and/or emptiness or feeling alone in this modern digital society. Some of the things you may be aware of, while others will require you to come out of your comfort zone but the overall mission is to give you an opportunity to escape from your every day life.
Some of you may wonder, well how can a gay guy, who is out, give advice on how to be on the DL or relate to or began to understand my situation. Well, every gay guy can attest to not being able to come out of the proverbial closet. Me, personally, growing up in the Midwest - a very conservative region of the country, has had his fair share of DL encounters and circumstances. I can relate with not only feeling comfortable with coming out to friends, family and coworkers. For some, you can come out 1-2 out of those 3 category of people and for many none at all. It's alright; I am not hear to judge or tell you what to do. I will leave that for the other judgmental assholes/cunts in your life to do.
I'm going to share with you some nonverbal cues to pay attention to and/or avoid, places that are more DL friendly - private and public so that you can feel like your part of a community and not on some abandon island.
NONVERBAL CUES - The MOST important tool in your quest to meet other DL guys are things that go unspoken. Guys will tell you, even you will tell other guys, what you're thinking or what you like by your body language. Whether it's platonic or erotic, your body speaks to people every day.
Eye contact is the single most important clue to gauge one's interest. If a guy stares at you for more than 5 seconds, he is interest in you; especially, if he stares you up and down. If he stares at you more than once, there's another clue. If you lock eyes with them then you know it can lead to more things.
Proximity/Space, how close or how near you a guy tries to get to you will also give you more clues
Touch is another clue, whether it be a handshake that lingers, a pat on the back with a slight rub. Guys love to things that they like. Men are very physical whether it's friendly or sexually.
Smile/Licking of the Lips - a strong indicator of interest, it draws the guy to your mouth, which allows him to think of you, in a more calm non-threatening manner or a sexual manner.
Finally, a tip that is familiar in various groups is the Tapping of the shoe whether it be in the restrooms, subway train or any public seating area. The tapping of the shoe whether they're pretend to move to the beat of a song or a very subtle hint can vary from guy to guy.
Now that you got the guys attention and aware of the nonverbal cues then next comes the conversation. Now being men, we are usually looking for sex when it comes to anonymous men that we are either hitting on or getting hit on; however, not all guys are ready to jump in the bed for fear of diseases, repercussions of being outed, as some sort of setup or any other factors. So the conversation that follow is usually guarded and laced with feeler questions and comments to determine the true motive.
Here are some tips to help you learn more about the person:
Ask How's it going? or What are you up to today? can help break the ice and get the conversation going because at this point you haven't heard the guy speak and let's be honest voice, sound and mannerisms are important indicators of whether or not you will be interest in the guy more than a simple flirt. Try to find something in common so that you two can plan activities together that you both will have an interest in.
Do you want to hang out and when? Where? At this point you are still trying to figure out if it's going to be a hookup, a friend or a potential boyfriend/fuck buddy.
Are you looking? Looking? Looking to freak? or What are you into? - Are usually follow up questions that opens up the topic for sex.
If the guy gives his name make sure you share yours, this will put them at ease and allow them to feel more comfortable with you. You don't have to give your last name, first name or nickname should suffice, which is important, in case anyone were to see or ask who the person you were with or speaking to and lessen suspicion then if you were to just a say oh it's nobody important or just an acquaintance.
Exchanges numbers comes next and not so rare amongst men any more since everyone has cell phones and many people don't assume anything when two men exchange numbers like back in the day.
Shake hands and move on. Keep it short and simple and save any more gestures for behind closed doors.
Texting is the standard way of communicating, it's important to decide whether to save deep personal conversation in person or if you don't have people prying into your personal space, you can express more by either saying romance topics or just communicating often.
So you met a guy, you two exchanged numbers and either showed interest in taking it to the next step.
The next question is WHERE do you guys hook up; especially, if neither one of you have a place to go to have sex. Depending on where you live, you can get a cheap room for the night at a motel or a hotel if you have the big bucks.
For quick sessions: adult bookstore, such as Blue Door Video, which you may or may not run the risk of running into someone you know so it's best to enter in at separate times at the rendez-vous spot.
If you're in New York City, you can either go to adult male cinemas - Bijou Theatre in East Village or Les Hommes Book Shop on the Upper West Side, each of these places have private booths, where you guys can have privacy without hooking up with some random guy you don't know or if you two chose to have a third join in for a threesome. The possibilities are endless so definitely read my previous blog postings for more details.
For guys, who cannot meet men on one-on-one basis, simply because they are already in a relationship whether married, have a girlfriend or not looking for nothing more than an one-night stand, they usually use Craigslist, cruising parks, rest stops and parking lots. I have some tips on cruising for sex on Craigslist as well as other sites and other suggestions that will increase their odds of finding what you're looking for.
Craigslist - Keyword is King. It will take you several attempts but perfecting your ad for hookups is based on how you used your keywords. You should read several ads and take note as well as posting consistently in order to remain on top. It requires a lot of patience and time and if you have it-go for it. Also, having pics posted increases your clicks-per-ad not to mention when and where and discreetly inserting your cell number in the ad. Give as much detail as possible especially if you have a particular kink while remaining to the point. Don't ramble and break up your paragraphs. It's easier to read if you have to give a bunch of detail information.
If Craigslist not consistent enough for you, then consider Mobile Hookup Apps such as Grindr and Scruff - large amount of guys in various race, age and size; as well as Growlr for cubs - small and husky and bears - big and husky guys and their admirers; Mister for older gentlemen and their admirers. Jack'd - for guys into meeting men of color -black, latino and other minorities. You can post pics without showing your face unless you want to meet up in which then you can show your face to them. These apps use GPS system to show the proximity location of guys in your area. You can filter and meet guys that are to your liking. If you want to remain anonymous simply state in your profile info most guys will respect your wishes. Only show your private pics to guys who will give definite information to you in order for you guys to hook up. There are some guys who are pic collectors or want to chat endlessly about the POSSIBLY of hooking up. If they ask more about what you're into than when and where-move on; they're a waste of your time and effort.
I spoke about Mobile Hookup Apps; however, there are some websites that have mobility capabilities as well as a general website, Adam4Adam - consist of mostly Latino and black men; Manhunt - mostly white men and BarebackRT(BBRT) - guys who are into bareback/raw sex only HIV+/Undetectable and guys on PrEP. Many of these sites have guys not only who are local but guys from around the world. Perfect for DL guys who don't want to possibility of running into a guy they just hooked up with. In the Parties and Events section, you can find anonymous sex parties in your local area.
Public Places and Parks - with the increase of undercover cops and modern technology, cruising in places isn't what it use to be. Unless you're into older white or older gentlemen then cruising in certain public places is a waste of time. Go to these cruising places, use the hookup mobile apps I just mentioned above and find guys in the area - either in the public place or outside that are close by. Most of these guys who are not cruising in public are willing to host and you can avoid jail time, public outing and fines. The most common parks in New York City are the Rambles in Central Park and Fort Tryion and The Cloisters in Inwood/Washington Heights. For more about public places and cruising spots, check out Squirt.org. In Brooklyn, Prospect Park however, at night, isn't advice due to possible crime and attacks. I also heard of some parks in The Bronx are cruisey.
Adult Bookstores - You just got off work and feeling really horny and need some relief before you go home. Might I suggest checking out your local adult bookstore, there are usually guys waiting to suck a guy off who is on the DL, married and/or in a serious relationship with a girl. Nothing excites these guys more than kneeling down, bending over or bending you over, whichever you're into, and getting you off. No commitments, no explanations just a good time. Most of these bookstores have private booths with gloryholes - holes that exist between two private booths which allows guys to fondle and play with each other cocks and/or asses. Most guys just suck dick while other do more than just suck dick and hand jobs. If you're particular about the guy you hookup within these booths make sure you guys go in-sync in respective booths so there isn't any surprises. Some bookstores, Xpressions and Blue Door Video, have basement open space area, where you can have a free-for-all and just cruise and have sex with anonymous guys. They're usually open late hours even when bars are close. Speaking of bars...
Bars/Sex Clubs - Now, I know what you are thinking and saying to yourself that you are not going to some fag bar or somewhere to sip on fruity drinks. You're a man's man and date/fuck chicks and on occasion you mess around with guys. There are bars that for gay guys to dance and have a good time and be liberated but there are bars and clubs that are strictly for men to have an anonymous hookup and get off. The two most infamous cruising bars in NYC are The Cock and The Eagle. Each one I wrote a review on and are posted in details on this blog but here's the short version. The Cock is a dark bar that doesn't allow pics to be taken and very relaxed on the shenanigans in the back of the bar. They don't allow people doing drugs except poppers, which I will explain, but everything else is free game. Now The Eagle is a little more strict with it's hookup policy; however, they will only kick you out if you either refuse to breakup the sexual doings and are caught numerous times. The place has many nucks and crannies so you have to be stealth and move around often except extremely busy nights and events. While the sex club like Paddles NYC and Rainbow Playground in Astoria, Queens are mainly use for sexual endeavors. It's a mix of guys that are in the gay scene as well as guys on the DL and guys from around the world. This part is for the more adventurous DL guys who have a high sex drive that have needs to be fulfilled.
*Poppers are a chemical inhalant (alkyl nitrites) that come in small glass bottles that helps guys relax and give a numbing feeling inside so they can receive anal sex with little to no pain. They have various names like Jungle Juice, Man Scent and Blue Boy. Poppers do have side effects such as dizziness, headaches and lightheadedness as well as others.
Private Sex Parties - If public places aren't your thing then check out private sex parties that are mention in this blog or adventuresingroupsex.blogspot.com for details about private parties. Most of them require a small description or bio of who you are but no one ask for id or your government name unless if for clothes check or you can give a pseudo/fake name and they won't know the differences. Most of these guys aren't into the gay scene and just enjoy sex with men. They tend to come from places outside of New York City/Manhattan. Not to mention, they have many private parties located in your neighborhood: Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn, who are always looking for guys want to hookup while remaining anonymous. So definitely check out the groupsex blog.
*Special Note: This is not to say that you must hookup with multiple guys and they you can't meet and get to know a guy from one of these functions. You don't have to or require to have sex at any one of these events. How you conduct yourself is up to you so as long as you respect the host(s) rules and regulations.
Public Bathrooms in Hotels/College/Universities/Rest Stops and other areas - Many guys who enjoy anonymous encounters use bathrooms and restrooms for hookups for the quick and convenient place to meet and hook up with guys which allows you to expose yourself without having to cover up much should any one that's not cruising enters the room. Crouch rubbing and grabbing are the main indicators as well as guys looking around and making eye contact. For more places like this check out Squirt.org
For guys interested in voyeurism and without getting involved, may I suggest Xtube and using keyword search to find topics and fetishes towards your liking. Cruising, Cottaging (British term), Understall, Gloryholes, Anon/Anonymous,Bareback/Raw, Cumdump/Breed, Pissing/Watersports, Fisting, Strangers, Jock/Muscle, Amateur, J/O, Blowjobs, and the list goes on and on. Having an adult Twitter, you can chat and connect with your favorite porn stars, blogger(@LNCNYC) and guys who love to post and tweet comments and pics about men-on-men action and events.
Special Events - These events occur either weekly, monthly or once a year. For guys who are into truly anonymous sex and who want to get lost in a big crowd where no one would remember them then I might suggest Daniel Nardicio events, they occur either monthly or weekly and a few once a year. While other events occur annually such as Saint At Large - The Black Party-every Mid-March which is not for the faint at heart but definitely for the guys who want to blend into the background and get lost in a sexual decadent experience. UPDATED: 11/2017 M.E.A.T. Party and Rough Trade are the NEWEST dance and play parties with darkrooms and backrooms.
Gay Sports Bars - If you just enjoy the company of men without the typical straight bar of single desperate chicks hitting on you, then I would like to suggest gay sports bar. Bars, where they have beer specials, sport games always playing and if you have a particular sport you would like to see currently playing they will change the channel for you then definitely check out these bars. The main ones in the city are Gym Bar, the longest standing gay sport bar where gay sport leagues meet up and Boxers in Chelsea and Hell's Kitchen. Boxers are newly opened bars with state-of-the-art television and they also serve pizza, wings and subs. The crowds at these plays focus more on sports than any place else.
Steam Rooms/Saunas - For all you closeted gym rats or casual exercisers, your local steam room and sauna are filled with men looking to mess around for a little bit during the day/week to relieve some stress. The most common cruising gyms are New York Sports Club(NYSC), Equinox and some Crunch locations or any gym that has a steam room and/or sauna. Neighborhoods that have a high density of gay men such as Chelsea, Hell's Kitchen and The Village tend to be the most popular; however, you can get lucky many other locations as well as some boroughs such as Queens and Brooklyn
I did not intend to write this post as an end all and be all. I just wanted to point out some things and give valuable information for guys who are still figuring out their sexuality and who they are as well as give guys some sort of outlet to release all of the frustration, anger, self-pity and self-hate and have a moment to live comfortably in their own skin. If any of this information was helpful or gave you some understanding and insight then I did my part. Most of the places that I mention above have an in-depth post with detail information so check the blog.
Last but not least, know your status, get tested. If you have unprotected sex and you're HIV- (neg) then you should talk to your doctor about PrEP/Truvada, an once daily pill to prevent the spread of HIV but doesn't prevent contracting STDs - chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. If you are HIV+ (pos), take your meds and don't let anyone make you feel like you're less than a person. Someone who is HIV+ with an undetectable viral load is not going to get you affected with HIV. The guys, who claimed they're "clean" or "HIV-" but never get tested are more likely to spread the HIV virus to you. Again, know your status. For information regarding testing sites, Check out HIV/STD CLINICS IN NYC and PROJECT STAY for youth and young adults that may need assistance for paying for HIV-/+ prescriptions.
If you feel I left some pertinent information out, please feel free to post anonymously on this post in the comment section.
Much Love and Cum
Rick Easley (@rickeasleynyc)